It was always a dream that some beau fille would sit next to me. Doesn’t matter where I am travelling. Ok, one part of my wish was fulfilled but the latter part of my dream is where I am still most despondent. Usually whenever I am sitting in a movie theatre, to my recollection no magnifique fille has ever sat next to me. So one time we three friends were watching this movie…I forgot the name of the movie…Will Smith was in it, it was movie about the virus where Will is the doctor trying to cure the virus….like I,Hero or something (no not I, Robot but I think I, Legend..yes I think that’s the name). Damn my memory. Anyway this gorgeous gal sat next to me and disturbed me. First putting her feet on me and knocking some of my popcorns. The one thing that annoys me is people coming late in the movie. She came late when the movie was already started so I was concentrating and she came blabbing and I turned to give her a mean look to convey her meaning that lady put a sock in it but as soon as I saw her visage I came to my established and natural mood that is forgiving. What you don’t believe it? Better believe it that my nature is forgiving. So the most natural thing was for me to check out who was with her. I saw a profile and the hair was short so I assumed must be her boyfriend. Damn my luck. She was a living testament to the power of dumb. Asking dumb questions to her partner and I guessed her partner was more dumb cause all I heard was grunt from him. I felt like I should answer all her questions, that way I would strike up a conversation. During the interval when lights came on and what do I see? That her partner is actually a gal with short hair. Merveilleux I have some chance. So I said to my friends now watch how I talk with the gal and after the interval I would be damned if the girl ever uttered a word. What was going on? This girl who couldn’t stop asking questions like gabbar singh is sitting behind her and saying “jitney saaval karagi utna waqt jiyagi” and now she has left her destiny to fate. Man that was a piss. So found a beau fille but couldn’t strike a conversation.
That’s not the only time. One of my dreams was that of course u guessed it, once again a beau fille would sit next to me on a plane. See on a plane, you cant run away and you are there for atleast 12 hours that gives plenty of time to get acquainted. I had certain magnetism towards window seat but not anymore, the reason, you have to ask your fellow passenger to move when you have to take a leak. So I was at the window seat, next to me was this beau fille dutch girl and next to her was this fat Chinese guy. As soon as she sat, I thought ok this is going to be my best trip. Usually I hate travelling in plane, its so boring but well well my starts have turned. So first thing I said is that “I hate when I get window seat because I have to ask you to move when ever my kidney gets full” and she in her heavy English accent says yes and that’s it, end of conversation. I keep making funny remarks but I wasn’t getting anywhere. I said to myself excellent bhavik, you have more chance of surviving if the plane crashes and you fall without parachute than with this babe. So I ask her and the fat guy to make some room so that I can go and take a piss which u could say about my mood too. Ah one thing felt good, getting my kidney empty and after 15 mins I bloody cant believe it, its full again as if I never visited the washroom. Oh oh what should I do now, its not gracious to ask them again to move but damn I cant hold it any longer. I see and both of them are sleeping. I hope lady luck didn’t hear my profanity, because I didn’t need any more piss from her. I had more than enough piss to handle her piss (puns included). At one time I had this notion where in the movie dumb and dumber jim carrey does with the beer bottle. But in a plane no way. A measure/ test of my resoluteness. The one hour I had to hold was pure agony, after a while as soon as this gal stirred, I asked her to wake up the Chinese guy and let me pass. Boy after the visit, I was so fatigued that even if that girl would try to start the conversation, I would have to put her off. My dream trip just turned out to be an excruciation trip.
Moral: never take a window seat in the plane, always opt for aisle seat and if things turns out ugly, do what jim carrey did in the movie dumb and dumber.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Fear
Fear…who doesn’t have it? There are lots of types of fears. Mine is facing the difficult situation. How many of you if have the option to opt out still stand and face it. I would like to count the raised hands. Ok you have raised your hands but think have you really stand your ground? Not standing really exasperates me. When ever I am facing a situation which I don’t like then my reaction is simple, to pass on the buck to somebody else. Atleast I don’t bury my head in the sand thinking since I can’t see the situation, it doesn’t exist. If given a chance, I would pass it on to somebody else before the other person has time to even say his name.
So I would think why can’t I step up to the plate?. In fact why is it that I am facing it? I was not always this deep thinker. In fact 2 years before I would hardly think what life is. I still search for a definition but I know its impossible to find it exactly because each one has their own meaning and view. But I vividly remember that when I was stoned smoking weed and thank god I had the presence to be in the bed and not to make fool of myself in front of others I was thinking something and what I thought really shocked me. I mean where did these thoughts come from? I never had thought about it before so how could it have come in my consciousness now. Perhaps it has slipped from my sub conscious. The thoughts were why am I here? What is the purpose of my life? I swear I felt like matrix where I felt that my body is here but actually I am not here. I am somewhere else (call it the soul or my real body) and I couldn’t shake off that feeling. I was so confused what is reality and in the early hours of morning when I became sobered did I realized that perhaps this is the reality and not what I was thinking. So my question is why do I get to face this situation. My reply is simple because we need to learn from it. Until I wont learn it, life will continue to teach me. Life is a tenacious teacher. It wont cut you any ropes. Until and unless you learn it, you will get it. It’s the law of attraction. The more you try to avoid it, the more you are focusing on it and what ever you are focusing on, you will get that only. Universe doesn’t know the no answer. We keep thinking I don’t get sick but universe doesn’t understand the denial statement. It sees that you are focusing on sickness so it will give you sickness. What we should do is focus on that I will remain healthy. Then we are focusing on health and we will get that.
Ok I have understood the meaning that life is trying to teach me to face the situation but I can’t do it. Passing the buck is easy and I get the guilty feeling but only for a succinct period. I feel guilty and then I would realize thank god I am not facing it and my guilt would vanish like the darkness with the prelude of light. Being aware is one thing. That is the first step. I have stepped the first step but the next step is where I am facing the difficulties. May be I have to bite the bullet and that would give me the confidence to face it the next time because running away from it is by no means any excuse or solution. Sooner or later I had to face it because not every time there would be some one to bail me out but let me try to face it when my back isn’t up to the wall. Atleast I could say that even when I had the choice, I still stood firm on my ground and faced it. How about you? What options do you choose when you are in unwanted situation and you have the choice to run away from it by leaving it to somebody else. May be its time for both of us to step up on the plate.
So I would think why can’t I step up to the plate?. In fact why is it that I am facing it? I was not always this deep thinker. In fact 2 years before I would hardly think what life is. I still search for a definition but I know its impossible to find it exactly because each one has their own meaning and view. But I vividly remember that when I was stoned smoking weed and thank god I had the presence to be in the bed and not to make fool of myself in front of others I was thinking something and what I thought really shocked me. I mean where did these thoughts come from? I never had thought about it before so how could it have come in my consciousness now. Perhaps it has slipped from my sub conscious. The thoughts were why am I here? What is the purpose of my life? I swear I felt like matrix where I felt that my body is here but actually I am not here. I am somewhere else (call it the soul or my real body) and I couldn’t shake off that feeling. I was so confused what is reality and in the early hours of morning when I became sobered did I realized that perhaps this is the reality and not what I was thinking. So my question is why do I get to face this situation. My reply is simple because we need to learn from it. Until I wont learn it, life will continue to teach me. Life is a tenacious teacher. It wont cut you any ropes. Until and unless you learn it, you will get it. It’s the law of attraction. The more you try to avoid it, the more you are focusing on it and what ever you are focusing on, you will get that only. Universe doesn’t know the no answer. We keep thinking I don’t get sick but universe doesn’t understand the denial statement. It sees that you are focusing on sickness so it will give you sickness. What we should do is focus on that I will remain healthy. Then we are focusing on health and we will get that.
Ok I have understood the meaning that life is trying to teach me to face the situation but I can’t do it. Passing the buck is easy and I get the guilty feeling but only for a succinct period. I feel guilty and then I would realize thank god I am not facing it and my guilt would vanish like the darkness with the prelude of light. Being aware is one thing. That is the first step. I have stepped the first step but the next step is where I am facing the difficulties. May be I have to bite the bullet and that would give me the confidence to face it the next time because running away from it is by no means any excuse or solution. Sooner or later I had to face it because not every time there would be some one to bail me out but let me try to face it when my back isn’t up to the wall. Atleast I could say that even when I had the choice, I still stood firm on my ground and faced it. How about you? What options do you choose when you are in unwanted situation and you have the choice to run away from it by leaving it to somebody else. May be its time for both of us to step up on the plate.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Previous life’s morning rituals
God it was a brisk life when I was juggling studying and working. It’s typical but not for me. I who’s king of indolent, slothful, lethargic, otiose…ok enough of adjectives had to work and study at the same time. The odds were more for physicist to invent time travel than me to pass out with flying colors. But look at me, I defied the odds. Although the comparison here is erroneous. Of course, we all know time travel is not possible. Not even in future because time is an illusion and we can travel only from point A to point B, but since time does not travel, we travel being in illusion that actually its time that’s travelling so how time travel can be possible. Ok, the train is off the track. Let me get back to the track. Where was I? Oh yea, the brisk life.
So my morning ritual was something like this. My friend and I used to share a room. I would wake up first at 5:15 AM (for me that’s middle of the night). Would finish the brushing and would wake my friend who actually wasn’t as lazy as me but still I had to push him in the morning. He would finish his brushing and then would go down to the kitchen for breakfast while I would go for a bath. After finishing that my friend would go for a bath while I would eat breakfast. At that time uncle would wake up because aunty and we used to go out at the same time for work and she would give us the ride to the place. So uncle(I don’t think he even brushed in the morning cause many times foul breath would come out, not from his body, I can differentiate that smell but from his mouth). That stench was enough to wake me fully and be on my toes to run if he tries to talk with me. Usually he would and I as a good and polite boy had to indulge him. Damn why did my mom raised me to be a polite boy. Anyway uncle would make tea, not for me silly but for aunty because queen ruled that palace. I don’t drink tea, I would have my milk, my bagels or if I could find croissants, would make sandwich for my friend and myself, pack it along with juice and would sit on the computer.
It was fascination to sit in the middle of the morning on internet. Don’t know why because hardly at that time someone would be online but still we used to sit on the computer. Meanwhile aunty would come down in a hurry, would drink tea and would have her toast in a matter of minutes while we both would lace up, go out, would remove snow from the car, start the car and heater and would sit for some early morning entertainment. We both knew what conversation we would hear in the morning. It was very characteristic. Aunty would say
“Pankaj, jaldi kaar maudo thai gayu”
(“Pankaj, hurry up, I am getting late” )
“Harsha, jaldi uthti hoye tau”
(“Harsha, if only you could wake up early”)
“Pankaj, savar na paur ma magaj mari na kaar”
(Pankaj, don’t irritate me in the morning”)
Uncle would laugh and would say ” heheheh harsha bol biju shu karvanu che?”
(hehehe “Harsham so what else has to be done?”)
Then aunty would give him the list of things to do, would remind him, no reprimand him to pick her up at 3:30 and not to be late, and then would ask us children if we need something. That my comrades, was my daily ritual for almost a year. Boy how I missed those rushing off days. Now I would wake up at 7:30, would read paper, relax a bit would watch TV and then go to work. (yea I do brush and bath, that is assumed). I even stopped my meditation, man am I becoming lazy.
So the moral of this story is even after being grilled like a sergeant for almost a year, I still am becoming lazier than ever. Perhaps some people never learn. Its you I am talking about not me.
So my morning ritual was something like this. My friend and I used to share a room. I would wake up first at 5:15 AM (for me that’s middle of the night). Would finish the brushing and would wake my friend who actually wasn’t as lazy as me but still I had to push him in the morning. He would finish his brushing and then would go down to the kitchen for breakfast while I would go for a bath. After finishing that my friend would go for a bath while I would eat breakfast. At that time uncle would wake up because aunty and we used to go out at the same time for work and she would give us the ride to the place. So uncle(I don’t think he even brushed in the morning cause many times foul breath would come out, not from his body, I can differentiate that smell but from his mouth). That stench was enough to wake me fully and be on my toes to run if he tries to talk with me. Usually he would and I as a good and polite boy had to indulge him. Damn why did my mom raised me to be a polite boy. Anyway uncle would make tea, not for me silly but for aunty because queen ruled that palace. I don’t drink tea, I would have my milk, my bagels or if I could find croissants, would make sandwich for my friend and myself, pack it along with juice and would sit on the computer.
It was fascination to sit in the middle of the morning on internet. Don’t know why because hardly at that time someone would be online but still we used to sit on the computer. Meanwhile aunty would come down in a hurry, would drink tea and would have her toast in a matter of minutes while we both would lace up, go out, would remove snow from the car, start the car and heater and would sit for some early morning entertainment. We both knew what conversation we would hear in the morning. It was very characteristic. Aunty would say
“Pankaj, jaldi kaar maudo thai gayu”
(“Pankaj, hurry up, I am getting late” )
“Harsha, jaldi uthti hoye tau”
(“Harsha, if only you could wake up early”)
“Pankaj, savar na paur ma magaj mari na kaar”
(Pankaj, don’t irritate me in the morning”)
Uncle would laugh and would say ” heheheh harsha bol biju shu karvanu che?”
(hehehe “Harsham so what else has to be done?”)
Then aunty would give him the list of things to do, would remind him, no reprimand him to pick her up at 3:30 and not to be late, and then would ask us children if we need something. That my comrades, was my daily ritual for almost a year. Boy how I missed those rushing off days. Now I would wake up at 7:30, would read paper, relax a bit would watch TV and then go to work. (yea I do brush and bath, that is assumed). I even stopped my meditation, man am I becoming lazy.
So the moral of this story is even after being grilled like a sergeant for almost a year, I still am becoming lazier than ever. Perhaps some people never learn. Its you I am talking about not me.
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